Life decisions- or pathways?

Many times I’ve been at this point in life where you have to decide what to do with your life, or at least which way to go. The first major decision was just after graduation from high school because basically you have all the possibilities in the world. The issue is, that you had a safe and secure and constant environment for the past 10 years at least while going to school. And then suddenly everything is supposed to change and from one day to another you’re supposed to know what you would like to do for the rest of your life. For me this was simply impossible. I was way too young and immature to decide what profession to choose, whether to study or not, whether to start working straight away and so on….. Because all these decisions lead you into a certain direction and I kind of felt trapped because I didn’t want to choose only one way to go but I wanted to go along many ways. Not only that, but also saying goodbye to your childhood friends because everyone had different plans was not going to be easy.

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All I knew at this point was, I wasn’t ready to live an adult life, I mean I was 19! And I didn’t want to study because everyone was going to do that and I couldn’t quite get the idea into my head to go to school for another several years while I had just spent 13 years studying. Of course you can’t really compare that but still, learning stuff is learning stuff. So pretty spontaneously I decided to move to Australia for a year and to work and travel and have some fun. This was the best decision in my entire life! Although I was afraid and although I was going to miss my friends and family, especially my mum, I would never want to miss this time which was so rich in experience, joy and happiness.

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My original plan for Australia was to move from city to city and find a new job here and there. It didn’t quite end up like this. I basically stayed in Sydney for most of the time because I had a nice job as a waitress and I had met the most amazing people at my job. I was living quite nicely, I had my gym I could go to, friends I met up with and I just built myself a life there. Moving to a country you’ve never been to before and just living there for a year made my character and personality grow so much, that I actually felt like I was growing up. And nothing before taught me so much independence and self-confidence than did this experience.

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Only understandable that when the time came that I had to leave, it was the hardest thing ever. I literally cried myself to sleep on the plane back to Germany. Of course when I arrived and I saw my mum I was super happy and also seeing my friends again after one year was amazing, especially because I told them another return date and they didn’t expect me to arrive early 😀

But still, the next couple of months I was only reminiscing and all I wanted to do was go back and continue the life I had built up in Australia. Also, moving back in with my mum after having lived by myself for a year was a bit weird because it’s just so different. So one year later I was at this point again thinking about what to do with my life and my mum told me well, just apply for university, you can try it and if you don’t like it you just do something else. And so I did. (My mum was always a savior in these situations) It turned out University wasn’t so bad after all and after another few months I was not so sad anymore because I liked the new path I was taking and I keep telling myself that I can always come back to Australia because it won’t run away. From then on I’ve been trying not to put too much thought into these decisions because in the end you will just take a certain way and it will lead you somewhere and if you realise that’s not where you want to go, you take a turn and you take another way.

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I kind of think life is not about finding what you want to do with it but to go on different ways and to find out where they take you. It’s a journey and more than anything journeys are meant to be changing and exciting and turning ways. So don’t stress yourself too much about deciding a direction for your life, take little steps and then you’ll realise it all adds up to a long way full of adventure and experience until maybe one day you will have found the perfect spot that will make you want to stay.

 


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